WHAT THE EFF?

Seriously. China sending in 14 year olds?

Doesn't everyone remember North Korea? THEY WERE BANNED! Get your shit together, China! It's not like you couldn't have handed us our asses with legit competitors! We practically gift wrapped that gold, well, Alicia Sacramone did, but I'm not going to argue the fine print.

_____________________


But how incredible was Nastia Liukin's bar routine?! 16.9?! She should have gotten more, but since the scores were biased toward the Chinese that would have taken a miracle. 16.9. Absolutely breathtaking. She's such a stellar gymnast, and only a few medals away from being the most decorated American. Shannon Miller of course holds the current record, and why wouldn't she? She was an all-around badass by any standard, and damn right Nastia is right up there with her. Yes, Shawn is adorable and you just want to fold her up and put her in your pocket and carry her around with you, but Nastia has proven that she has the 'legs' to withstand a long, challenging career in gymnastics.















_____________________


Dear Michael Phelps,
We all know that you know that you're amazing. And well, you are. But could you show a little bit more enthusiasm when you finish a race an entire body length (which, considering the length of your body...that's like four tallish toddlers...) ahead of even the second place competitor, let alone the eighth? All we're asking is for a smile as you glance up at the scoreboard, even though you're out of the pool drying off while people are still finishing. Maybe a little fist pump? Just a thought. Also, one more thing, I know your iPod is like, super tight, but it's getting out of control. Let me just be real with you, knock it off. It's your freakishly large body with your absurdly flexible appendages that are winning the races, not your tunes.
Best,
Your Biggest Phan.