LE TIRED.

Working a full time job sucks.

Whoever thought that was a good idea?



And someone needs to tell Ohio that 65 is not an acceptable expressway speed limit.

HOWARD DEAN.

I. Love. DVR.
BYAAAAH!!!

BECAUSE HE'S OLD.

This is FANTASTIC.

See more Hayden Panettiere videos at Funny or Die

TASTE THE HAPPY MICHAEL.

So I just saw Sex Drive.

Awesome.
Definitely the love child of Can't Hardly Wait and Superbad.
Which is good.

It's this generation's movie they'll quote for the next thirty years.
And everyone needs one of those.


THE BIG MAC THING WON'T GO DOWN!





But I'm still way more excited about this...


There's a better trailer somewhere but I can't find it.
The search continues.

SHUFFLE LIKE ITS 1985.

And I sang this all day Sunday.


Along with:
BEAR DOWN, CHICAGO BEARS. MAKE EVERY PLAY, CLEAR THE WAY FOR VICTORY!
Etc.

We got hit on by creepy men at B-Dubs. I guess we had it coming.

AIN'T NO PARTY.

Also,


My tea in the parlor makes the ladies holler.
Word.

ENSUING HILARITY.

I cannot get over how much I love the Fug Girls.
Thank God the website is blocked at work*. If it weren't, I'd undoubtedly be laughing aloud all day at my desk. Which, aside from proving I wasn't checking the work of brilliant engineers, would disrupt others from doing so.
Check it out.
*Actually, I don't know if it's blocked. I only assume that it is because every other website I've tried to look at has been.

I'm excited about House and Fringe tonight. I did miss last week's Fringe, but I didn't see, like, the first three episodes and then saw the fourth or whatever and I still followed it okay. I'm so glad that House and Wilson are back together. If I had to spend even one more episode with them not even talking, I might have quit the show. I'm serious. Quit. QUIT. It's not like I don't have a bunch of other stuff to watch now either. Having a set work schedule frees up so much time to sit around and watch TV, it's insane.

Since I used to work nights and didn't have DVR and was too lazy to catch up to everything online (plus before that I was at school and didn't have a TV in my room that got channels), I only watched 24 and House. Which was fine, because 24 was only on after January, and that's only Monday and Tuesday, freeing up, well, all my time. But now. Now that I not only have DVR but am home by like, 4:30 pm everyday? Boy howdy, I'm like a TV crack head.

Monday for now is just Heroes but will soon have 24 to keep it company (after the 2 hour event in November - HOLLER!).
Tuesday is House and Fringe.
Wednesday equals Pushing Daisies and Private Practice.
It gets tricky on Thursday because all the shows are on at once. Supernatural and Grey's are both at 9 but I watch one live and tape the other so I'm set, then It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is at 10 and 11.

Sadly I no longer get HBO or Showtime so I won't be able to watch Weeds, entourage or True Blood live, but I'm pretty sure I'll get over it. They don't need the ratings that the network shows need since they're premium cable or whatever and they're all set. And why the hell didn't I have a DVR before? IT'S AWESOME.

Also, when I set up my cable and high speed internet, I asked to make sure that it was wireless compatible because then I wouldn't have to worry about what room the modem was in...negative. They ignored me and didn't do it, so now I have to wait or something until they figure it out. Which is cool, because my TV keeps making this dumb noise constantly and they should probably fix that too. Bitches.

My third book for the Cannonball Read is Cold Mountain, but every time I try to read it I fall asleep. I already don't like that there's no direct dialogue, it's all an outsider point of view, and I'm only 50 pages in. I've never been one to abandon a literary challenge, but this is going to prove tricky. I had to put down Hugh Laurie's book over the summer because it was just so...wordy. I understand a want for the mood and crap like that, but God damn. It's like adjective and metaphor overload. They might be similies, but I can't think of an example off the top of my head. Either way, it's hard to barrel through.

This was awfully ranty. I'm going to go get ready for House.

CANNONBALL READ: BOOK TWO

Book Two: "Bloodsucking Fiends," by: Christopher Moore (Perennial)

Ever since I was a kid I've always loved vampire stories. Except for the two episodes of 'Are You Afraid of the Dark' that had vampires in them, because those scared the crap out of me. Regardless. "Fiends" was a refreshing, cleverly written story of Jody, a newly turned vampire in San Francisco. After suffering drudging feeling like my brain had melted upon the completion of the Twilight Saga, I was hesitant to approach a genre that had brought me so much satisfaction in the past, but I was pleasantly surprised. Moore's humor is predominant in the novel and keeps the story going where it might have been dry and predictable. Thankfully the story starts right away, and while some of the details are brushed over, the mistakes are easily overlooked due to the fast paced nature of the prose.

Jody, a serial monogamist, suffers through her relationship with Kurt, a stock market enthusiast, until she is walking to the bus stop one night, is accosted, shoved under a dumpster, and left for dead. Upon waking, she ventures home, realizes she's had enough of Kurt, and takes off; after launching a potted plant at his thick head. After her initial doubts, her fears are confirmed; little Jody, is in fact a vampire. In shuffles Tommy. Tommy is fresh off the truck from Incontinence, Indiana, defying his blue collar heritage by snubbing a union job and heading to San Fran to live as a starving artist. They run into each other and move in together. Logical. Impulsive. Whatever. Tommy soon learns of Jody's ... um ... condition, but instead of repulsion and fear, he's filled with amazement and curiosity. Their relationship with each other is the prime concentration of the book, and where it becomes monotonous and tedious, the secondary characters enter to liven up the plot.

The simplicity of the plot works in its favor. The story and characters aren't tied down with unnecessary back story and convoluted story lines. Constant flashbacks that confuse the reader are not an issue, but random occurrences don't work to Moore's advantage. The vampire that created Jody, Elijah, finds her amusing and in an attempt to make her aware of her short comings, decides to frame Tommy for the murders of multiple people. Moore only lightly touches upon his vampire lore, perhaps for the better, as we never know what comes of the conversations between Jody and her maker. Jody's mother, Frances, makes an appearence for no reason, but is harassed by the pair's snapping turtle, which is funny, so we'll call it a wash.

All in all, the shortcomings of "Fiends" are outweighed by the light, entertaining, and enthusiastic writing of Moore. He takes us through Jody and Tommy's relationship without loading us with dumb, romantic details that have no place in certain novels, and his recognition of this is appreciated. The introduction of Steve, a med student at Berkeley, sets up for the next novel, which I might consider reading. As long as it doesn't turn into a vampire love fest, because I'm entirely worn out of beautiful, flawless 'people' loving the non-existent piss out of each other. Thanks Stephenie Meyer, you pretty much ruined my life. I hope the movie sucks as much as I think it will. I digress. "Fiends" is worth the Saturday afternoon that you'll extinguish to put it to sleep, and it won't haunt your mind later (ala "Twilight") due to absurdity and nonsense. Shortly, it was enjoyed and recommended for a nice, light read.

CANNONBALL READ: LISTY-LOOOO.

So here's a list of books that I own, that aren't graphic novels or under 200 pages that I plan to read for C.R.

1. Possession, A.S. Byatt
2. In Cold Blood, Truman Capote
3. The Yiddish Policeman's Union, Michael Chabon
4. The Birth of Venus, Sarah Dunant
5. Foucault's Pendulum, Umberto Eco
6. The Black Dahlia, James Ellroy
7. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran-Foer
8. Cold Mountain, Charles Frazier
9. The Gun Seller, Hugh Laurie
10. The Road, Cormac McCarthy
11. Bloodsucking Fiends, Christopher Moore
12. Choke, Chuck Palahinuik
13. Haunted, Chuck Palahinuik
14. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, David Sedaris
15. Naked, David Sedaris
16. Requiem for a Dream, Hubert Selby, Jr.
17. East of Eden, John Steinbeck
18. Vanity Fair, William Thackery
19. Holding on to the Air, Suzanne Farrell
20. When You Are Engulfed In Flames, David Sedaris
21. Dead Until Dark, Charlaine Harris
22. Assassination Vacation, Sarah Vowell

Plus a ton of Grisham that I've collected but never read that I'll have to balance out Eco, Thackery, and the Complete Works of Jane Austen I picked up.

I only need like . . . seventy more.
...balls.

CANNONBALL READ: BOOK ONE

Book One: "YOU SHALL KNOW OUR VELOCITY!", by Dave Eggers (Vintage Books)

The thing I love about Dave Eggers is everything. There is not one thing I dislike about this man. His writing in particular, is catchy, exhilarating, fun, amusing, exotic, and bewildering; plus about 10,000 adjectives that I don't even know but all mean 'awesome'. He's like a genius or something. I got into Eggers when my best friend bought "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius," and then bought a copy for me on my 20th birthday. This book revived our love of words. Dave Eggers resuscitated our deep love for verbage that grabs your hand and yanks you out of your seat and drags you, not unwillingly, along on his tour through all of the cobwebbed edges of his mind. And you're never disappointed. Ever. At least I'm not. And I'm the one that matters here.

Since the only description given on the book is, "$32,000 must be given away in a week, around the world. But why?", and I didn't even read that until I was just about to open it for the first time, I knew nothing about it. Kind of fitting for the challenge. The book recounts Will's quest to give away his windfall of cash on a tour around the world with his good friend Hand, after the untimely and totally unforeseen death of their friend Jack. 100 books in a year, around the world in a week; not too far fetched (and starting on Columbus day!). The boys encounter some trouble in the execution of their travel plans, as none of the countries they want to travel to have flights in or out of them without hours/days wasted in layovers and in countries that don't matter to them, and those pesky things called visas. Their final itinerary looked something like this:
Chicago to NY to Greenland
Greenland to Rwanda
Rwanda to Madagascar
Madagascar to Qatar
Qatar to Yemen
Yemen to LA to Chicago
But upon realizing none of that was possible, they opt to schedule just their return flight from Cairo and figure out the rest along the way. Greenland was too windy so they end up in Senegal. From Senegal they travel to Morocco, England, Estonia and Latvia; along with many cities and destinations that were reached by car, before flying to Copenhagen to catch their separate flights to separate final destinations. Along the twisted roads, Will's inner dialogue, which consists of conversations he holds with people nearby but in his head, fill in the details of his past few months. We learn why Will is temporarily slightly disfigured, why Hand's nickname is Hand (other than the fact that 'Hands' sounded too much like someone who would want time alone with your children), and Will's admiration of Winston Churchill. We also start to feel the pull of Will's reality; how awful he feels with all of this money, all of this weight, thrust upon him and unable to move. He's paralyzed by guilt and a feeling that all the horrible things that are happening are recompense of being a bastard as a kid; pushing people too far, breaking too many bounds with no countenance. He's backing himself into a corner , but he's constructed the walls himself.

Although not to his extent, I have recently felt dead ended, pressured upon by those who aren't living my life, can't make my decisions; I was immobile, travelling in a decrescendo. Eggers' grasp of language allows for seemingly ordinary emotions, feelings, to take on a whole new meaning and texture. Things that are old seem new, events that are commonplace seem adventurous and exciting. His way of stating facts becomes so witty, you wish you were able to speak the tone in daily life. And the use of illustrations (in both works I've read), is spot on. Graphics and blueprints that seem so silly, but express the urgency with which Eggers wants you to receive his vision. I enjoy these because it states, "this is not open to interpretation. This is how I envisioned it, and so shall you, reader." Eggers illuminates all 351 pages with colorful wit and an exciting tone that grabs you right from the beginning. "Y.S.K.O.V." is a breathtaking read, and in my opinion, a very optimistic start to my yearlong journey to dominate my brain.

Any suggestions?

[Some quotes...
"We would oppose the turning of the planet and refuse the setting of the sun."
"When did planes get so slow?"
"Qatar, in a ludicrous show of hubris for a country the shape and size of a thumb, wanted a visa that would take a week to process." *I've never seen 'hubris' used outside of Greek mythology, and he does it beautifully.*
"I wondered how loudly I could hang up." *You've had that feeling. I know I have.*
"Use contradictions, goddammit. You sound like an alien."
"Janet Jackson was tinkling from the speakers, asking what we had done for her as of late."
"We gave up on taping money to animals. We were now looking for people."
"The day had been long, and I wanted beer. I wanted four beers and many potatoes, then sleep."
-"I don't feel bad about that," Hand said.
-"I hated that fucker."
"I don't know. I don't think he'll keep it. He seems like the kind of guy who'd give it to someone else. He was like someone out of Middle Earth - a man and his staff, walking through the countryside in the middle of the night."
"Hand slapped the counter. I feared he would whoop."
"Put that heave into a small velcro pocket in the parachute pants of your soul."
"No one knew just how to dance to 'Stairway to Heaven.' Some continued to hobble slowly, ignoring the quickened pace, the sudden urgency, all the screaming, while most people started bouncing a little, jumping in place, maybe a little air guitar, anything. It's just the wrong song for dancing; that's the lesson there." *Truth.*]

CANNONBALL READ: INTRO

Reason #458 of Why I Love Pajiba.
They come up with things called the Cannonball Read.
All of the detailed information can be found here, but the gist is that you read 100 books in one year, and you rock out doing so. Nothing under 200 pages, no graphic novels, and short stories have to contain at least six stories to count. Other than that, go to town.

I officially started on Monday, October 13, 2008.
Wish me luck.

FOR REAL.

So I got totally excited when I realized that I was going to have a desk job because I was like, "YES! I CAN KEEP UP WITH PAJIBA AND COMMENT LIKE A REAL ELOQUENT!!"


NEGATORY.

Not only can I not keep up, I can't even use Pajiba at all. Or any other website.

UUUGGGHHHHHHHHH.

GUM WOULD BE PERFECTION.

This is perfect.

I love The Fug Girls.

ROCK ME SEXY JESUS.

Okay, Supernatural last night...
SERIOUSLY?

SERIOUSLY!?!?

I am LESS than excited about this season if this is how it's starting. Jared, work with me, stop making your face seize in the middle of scenes. I know you're supposed to be 'angry' and 'livid' and plenty of other lovely adjectives, but none of them include 'epileptic' or 'stroke victim'. FOR REAL. And Jensen, your Jack Donahgy voice sucks and it's getting really annoying. Everytime he opens his mouth and the stupid 'Bat Voice' spills out I want to punch him. And I wouldn't even care that IF I did hit him it might damage his wonderfully beautiful mug. UGH.

SO FRUSTRATED.
...more to come when I settle down.

FRAK.

So I get home today and see a FedEx box wedged between the glass and front door. "EEEEEE!" thought I, "MURDERTANK TEEEEEEEEE!"

nope.

It wasn't even for me.

I did get my new glasses today (after waiting almost two weeks, ew.), which is nice. So now I can see things, which is helpful, and I don't have to wear my old glasses/contacts. I hate my contacts. Well, my eyes hate my contacts. Whatever. I'm over it.

FUCKING.

Statements that Need Fucking in Them:

1. I fucking love cereal. Especially Crispix.
2. I fucking hate ignorant radicals (from either side).
3. I hate stupid fucking drivers who cannot stay in their own lanes - THAT'S WHAT THOSE LINES ARE FOR EMMEFFERS, THEY AREN'T A SUGGESTION.
4. I fucking love Newsies.
5. I want to live across the fucking pond.

CRISTO.

Oh, I mentioned something about doing a reel time review thing of Supernatural once season 4 started? Well, whatever. What I can tell you is that it won't be on here. Nope.

I just started Supernatural Survival Guide.
And I'll do the reel times on there.
If it works.
Which it might not.
So whatever.

I need sleep.

WORKIN' FOR THE MANDROID.

Does anyone else use this wallpaper?





I feel like it's some sort of illusion. Since it looks like it moves but it doesn't.
But I also might be on crack.

LIKE THE ONE IN T2.

So as of now here is my premiere schedule.

Sunday 9/7, 10pm, Entourage (HBO)
Tuesday 9/9, 9pm, Fringe (Fox)
Tuesday 9/16, 8pm, House (Fox)
Thursday 9/18, 9pm, Supernatural (CW); 10pm, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX)
Monday 9/22, 9pm, Heroes (NBC) [3 hours!??!!! What, WHAT!]
Wednesday 10/1, 8pm, Pushing Dasies (ABC); 9pm, Private Practice (ABC)

I haven't decided if I'm going to watch The Office, 30 Rock, ER, or Grey's.
Apparently Thursday nights are the best nights for TV. That used to be Friday night, right? What happened to TGIF? Now all that's on on Fridays is Ghost Whisperer, WWE Smackdown, Don't Forget The Lyrics, Wife Swap, Supernanny, The Ex List, 20/20, Deal or No Deal, Life, etc. None of which sound appealing. Ugh. And I didn't even know any of that until I looked it up. It just makes me long for days when I didn't hate a majority of television.

That Wednesday schedule is a toss up. I didn't watch season 1 of either show, but apparently I have until next month to worry about it. That's enough time to watch two seasons of television. I'm lazy enough to accomplish it. Faaaanntastic. I'm thinking of a reel time Supernatural recap on here, but that will prove difficult sans laptop I think. iTunes season pass? Possibly. I think I have Mama Kash talked into DVR, so that will help too. I need DVR anyway. I never remember what day it is, so always forget to watch shit. Except House. And 24. But I don't have to worry about that until January.

The thing that has me sold on Private Practice is the cast. I just watched the Grey's episode where they introduce Addison into the Oceanside Clinic or whatever it is and I really liked them. Plus, think about it: Taye Diggs, PIZ!!! (SHIRTLESS!!!), Kate Walsh. I don't know why I like Walsh so much. Maybe it's because she studied at the Piven Theatre Workshop. Or maybe it's because she's the only female character on Grey's (besides Bailey) that doesn't make me want to impale someone after throwing an orphaned puppy I just saved from the Humane Society into traffic whilst depriving a blind person of their other senses.

Supernatural Season Three is out - yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
Is Pushing Daisies? I know Private Practice is. And House Season Four.
And I need to hop onto the DVDs of It's Always Sunny. Since seasons 1 & 2 on iTunes just isn't what I thought it would be. For shame.

WEEVILS WOBBLE.

Where is my MurderTank Tee?

And Goddammit if I don't love me some Stosh Piznarski.







Precious.
















Who knew I could still see him on Private Practice? Not it.

WORD.

Number Three on Pajiba's 2008 10 Most Bangalicious Celebrities: RDJ.

Let’s not kid ourselves people. Robert Downey, Jr. isn’t just on this list because,
at least until three months ago, he was the most unappreciated actor
of his generation. It’s not just because he can do drama, comedy, superhero
or the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude without
breaking a sweat. Nor is it because Robert Downey, Jr. managed to bring a C-level
superhero to A-level status. Let’s be honest with ourselves — the reason he’s here
is because you want him to say dirty, nasty, pleasant things to you before
tearing off your clothes with his teeth and fucking you on a stairwell in a
dark alley in the middle of the day. You want him to pull out his arsenal of
kink and then mingle his nicotine scent with your glistening sweat
as he has his naughty naughty way with you on a kitchen table.
And you want it over. and over. and over again. Until he breaks you.
Until you can’t feel your legs. Until you’ve lost your voice from
all the moaning.

And then you want it again.

Well said, Rowles. Well said.

Now that that's taken care of - can I just hang out with Shia LaBeouf? He looks fanfuckingtastic (as usual in my opinion) in the Eagle Eye trailer. Mmmmmmm.

COULD WE START AGAIN, PLEASE?

Can I start over?

I want to move abroad, get a job, live paycheck to paycheck and never look back.
Is it weird that I see nothing wrong with that?

It's not that my life is totally horrible right now, I just feel like I've hit a dead end.
New friends, new scene, new job. That's what I need right now.


New.
Or maybe just a perspective change.
I've got to get out of here.

And how did I not see this when it first came out? I do agree much more so than last years list. Especially with Bale, McAvoy, Owen, Bell, oh hell, everyone. But that deep seeded adoration of Christian Bale circa 1992 has yet to fade away. I may just be in love. Ohhh dear. Picture time!

excellent.

INTO THE LAVA.

Really Jonas Brothers? The lava??

...


Didn't see Hamlet 2. Or Tell No One. Or Man on Wire.
Basically, I've been working non-stop and only have time to pass out to Veronica Mars when I come home. I've been really sickly lately but hopefully I can muster enough energy to run in the morning with my new shoeses. I want to run, but I hate being sick, and working constantly, and that no one is home, and that I'm always tired.

Well, rant over.

What the hell's a rant?

THAT'S A SUBURB - THEY PROBABLY FIGURED THAT OUT.

So, happy birthday to me (last Friday) - what a way to celebrate at the theatre with The House Bunny, Death Race, and a slew of other cinematic gems opening.

Ew.

As far as going out nights goes, it was okay, but as far as birthday celebrations go, it was definitely subpar. I don't blame anyone in particular as I had no set plans of my own, so whatever.

After reading the review for Hamlet 2 on Pajiba I REALLY want to see it. Maybe someone will go with me tonight, that is, if anyone is home/in town/not working. It's kind of sad that all of my friends, except for maybe a handful are back at/in school. No one is here!! I'm kind of brain dead currently, leading to the less than coherent/regimented posting. Hopefully I'll be better when they hire someone else at work and I don't have to work 55 hours a week. Ew.

Wow. I really went overboard on the s/l/a/s/h/e/s/...

ALSO.

I ordered my MurderTank tee!! And I'm EXCITED ABOUT IT!!

DUDE.

Check it out.

I made my face.
Awesome.

And yes, that's how I really smile.

A LONG TIME AGO.

Re-watching the third episode of Veronica Mars.

...the Kane's look...not the same. Weird.

SIDECARS ARE FOR BITCHES.

I hate this new work schedule.
Until they find someone else to round out the Sushi Duo into a Trio, Daphne and I have to trade off working doubles. And it sucks. So this week I work lunch Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday from 10-2/3, then I come back in at 6 and work until about 9. And on the days that I don't work lunch I get in at 4 and work until 10/11. Ugh. Blowsh.

I cut my finger today and didn't realize it and then I got some pickled ginger juice in there.
That hurt like a BITCH.

Veronica Mars Seasons 1-3 on sale for $18.99 at Target! Get it people!!!
The Target I went to today only had Season 3, and I bought Season 1 on Tuesday, so as much as it pains me, I have Seasons 1 and 3 but not 2. Struggles. Maybe I'll buy it on my break tomorrow, since I have to work all gorram day and they won't be open when I get to leave. Sidenote: I wish I was Kristen Bell.

List of Today - Show's I'm Excited for This Season (In Alphabetical Order):
1. 24(!!! The Jack Bauer Power Hour RETURNS! And with a movie predecessor no less!!!)
2. Heroes: Villians (I'm glad those responsible for last season have been dealt with in a manner suitable to most Communist torture regiments)
3. House, M.D. (duh.)
4. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (let's chop cats, bitches.)
5. Supernatural (BRING DEAN BACK KRIPKE. THIS IS NOT A JOKE.)

I haven't decided if I'm going to watch Grey's or Private Practice (Another sidenote: Kate Walsh would be an acceptable substitute if I can't be Kristen Bell). And what happened to Entourage? Shouldn't that be on, three weeks ago? And I love The Office, but I can't remember the last time I watched it live, so I can't imagine that will change either. So that's my five. And with that, off to bed.

WHAT THE EFF?

Seriously. China sending in 14 year olds?

Doesn't everyone remember North Korea? THEY WERE BANNED! Get your shit together, China! It's not like you couldn't have handed us our asses with legit competitors! We practically gift wrapped that gold, well, Alicia Sacramone did, but I'm not going to argue the fine print.

_____________________


But how incredible was Nastia Liukin's bar routine?! 16.9?! She should have gotten more, but since the scores were biased toward the Chinese that would have taken a miracle. 16.9. Absolutely breathtaking. She's such a stellar gymnast, and only a few medals away from being the most decorated American. Shannon Miller of course holds the current record, and why wouldn't she? She was an all-around badass by any standard, and damn right Nastia is right up there with her. Yes, Shawn is adorable and you just want to fold her up and put her in your pocket and carry her around with you, but Nastia has proven that she has the 'legs' to withstand a long, challenging career in gymnastics.















_____________________


Dear Michael Phelps,
We all know that you know that you're amazing. And well, you are. But could you show a little bit more enthusiasm when you finish a race an entire body length (which, considering the length of your body...that's like four tallish toddlers...) ahead of even the second place competitor, let alone the eighth? All we're asking is for a smile as you glance up at the scoreboard, even though you're out of the pool drying off while people are still finishing. Maybe a little fist pump? Just a thought. Also, one more thing, I know your iPod is like, super tight, but it's getting out of control. Let me just be real with you, knock it off. It's your freakishly large body with your absurdly flexible appendages that are winning the races, not your tunes.
Best,
Your Biggest Phan.

THRILL ME.

Why are all these blogs about people's babies?
If my mom did that, and I grew up and heard about/saw it, I'd be P-I-S-S-E-D.
Scrapbooking hasn't monopolized these people's brains enough?

List of today - Things I Love in Spite of Stupid Baby Photo Chronologies Posted for All the World Even Though No One Cares and No, None of Your Family Reads That Ten Page Letter You Send Out Detailing the Exploits of Your 'Special' Kids That Year:
1. The American Teen screening with the cast last night. (Photos soon of my autographs.)
2. James Franco.
3. Lint rollers.
4. mycokerewards rewards.
5. "Paper Planes," by M.I.A.

NO TIME FOR LOVE DR. JONES.

Let me just get one thing clear. Growing up, my favorite movies were Batman, Terminator, Robocop, and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. That's right. Temple. Not Raiders. And certainly not Last Crusade. Now here's the part where I justify.

I didn't understand subtext as a small child. Kudos to you if you did. And I didn't understand the importance of protecting this 'ark of the covenant' from this 'nazi' guy. I was seven. Did I understand the drinking contest in the beginning with Marian? Nope. Did I understand the fear of snakes? Surely, but when they pull him up from the other hole with the Nazi flag, that one just whizzed right by me. Plus a monkey died in that movie. There is one reason above all else that my love for Temple of Doom thrived with the power of many suns. It had the better girl.

Even though it was Kate Capshaw and much talk was had about her purpose or way of getting the role, for a seven year old girl, who albiet loves movies that aren't for seven year old girls, felt for the singing, beautiful, and high maintenance blonde. Sue me.
"Innnnnddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!"

PLUS Temple had Short Round, one of the most fantastic kid sidekicks of all time. My dad used to tell me that when I could drive I would probably need blocks on the pedals like Shorty did (I'm fully grown and can reach the pedals and see over the wheel thank you). And the danger was so much more imminent and engaging in Temple. Yes, Hitler and the Nazis are terrifying individuals and there is much scaring to be had, but keeping the ark away from some guy that I didn't see until the end? How about trying not to get your heart ripped out of your chest? Or possession after being whipped into submission to drink blood? And then you get everything under control and there's mucho rushing water in a small tunnel that leads to no where? To me, that's pretty damn immediate.

Ark may have the better story (Temple = kidnapped kids + missing stones + child king under voodoo magic + KALIMAH!), but Temple has the danger, the girl, and the sidekick. So that's where my logic is. And while other people talk about how 'scary' it is and how 'creepy' it is, prepare to meet Kali in Hell.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BOY?

Dude.

duhduhduh duhduhduh duhduhduh duhduhduuuuuhduh.
Excitement.

How bad ass???

I knew it. I knew it was coming.
But this is not the future my mother warned me about.
And in this future, I don't know if we can win this war.
THIS IS JOHN CONNOR.

ROLLIN' AND TUMBLIN'.

So I watched this documentary on Bret Easton Ellis, This is Not an Exit. and featured in the film were exerts both read as voice overs and re-enacted with a less than intriguing cast of unknowns (save Rachel Weisz as Lauren Hynde). On the whole the film itself was less than intriguing and I didn't even finish it. Sorry Bret, but it sucked, and I don't think you were really yourself when you did it. And were you really driving a Jeep Grand Cherokee? Anyway, I digress...

The gentleman that portrayed Patrick Bateman in these boring horrific read-throughs goes by the name of Dechen Thurman. That's right. Uma's brother. None other. Anyway, check out that link, or rather Google Image him to get the full effect of what I'm talking about (apparently he's also an avid yogi, second from the bottom). Now that you've got an idea, compare that to the delicious and marvelously talented Christian Bale who fulfilled the role perfectly in the 2000 film adaptation. Different, right? Incomparable, even. But then Lars said something (it's that damn masters ... bastard.) and it got me thinking - what if Patrick's appearance and machismo are just in his head like the murders? What if everything that he goes through is just part of one big tumor affecting his total outlook on life? The murders, which I guess is also unclear - but so is the whole gorram book - didn't actually happen, he just imagined them, so why isn't it possible that our envisioning of Bateman as he describes himself: amazingly good looking, incredibly fit, "a hardbody", and basically a very buff Christian Bale, could also in itself be an illusion? A hoax? A TOTAL MINDFUCK?

But then I told all of this to Chris and we decided that the murders, as only occurring in Bateman's very disturbed mind, is unclear. We don't know that he wasn't just able to cover it all up since no one really knows anyone anymore. Especially in very hip and expensive Manhattan circa 1989.

My whole point in this is that you think you know something. Not that American Psycho is easily tackled and humped into submission, rather as you're humping it kind of just stares blankly at you and kindly asks if you're finished. You think you have the Mouse Trap all hung together by it's rubber band, then someone lets the dog in and it tramples the fucking game board and you lose half the pieces. Moral of the story, don't play Mouse Trap on the floor. In other words, my attempt to further understand the nuances of Bret Easton Ellis has lead to my clinging for dear life to any shred of reality that I can comprehend in either the novel or the film. Then I read this and I have even less of an idea of what the hell is going on in either of them. The only thing I know for sure is that I still want to have sex with Christian Bale, and I think I need a drink.

For good measure, here's something that usually keeps my mind off of the fuckedupness of the flick, Christian's face.

STEREO SOUNDS AND SOLO CUPS.

Jared Padalecki is delicious.
His teeth rival Emile Hirsch's.
So pretty.

Just one more for kicks...




And that Jensen Ackles is also a tasty morsel (although that picture doesn't show it. Here's one that does!).



Which is why I cannot live in a world where Sam and Dean Winchester are separated by the mere boundaries of this mortal world. BRING DEAN BACK. IMMEDIATELY.

GOODBYE, HORSES.

Things have been strange around here lately.

I'm happy at work but it's not a real job, so I need to work on that.
I enjoyed my workout that I created for myself and thought it was really helping my inability to lose weight, but I cannot continue to get up at 6:15am and then work double shifts.
I decided I'm not going to my graduation ceremony because we don't walk, and that's retarded.
I'm reading all of the Narnia books at once and I'm in the middle of The Silver Chair, which if you didn't know is the second to last book. The baller thing about those is that they're only 100 pages each, so reading seven of them is cake. That's like, one Harry Potter book. Am I 21 and reading/re-reading children's books? You betcha...

So I was planning on going to medical school.
...

I know, right?
Turns out it was a noble idea but I really only wanted to go back to school to avoid studying for the LSAT. Basically I'm a loser. But Law School is still the main goal here.
I figure it's the only thing that I can not only succeed in, but also it will allow me to live like I want to live. Which right now is "Not Paycheck to Paycheck." Permanent desk job? Possibly, but there are so many opportunities that I can seize by spending those three years in hell, so I'm going for it.

DAY MAN RETURNS!

WHAT MAKES LOVE THE EXCEPTION?

Did other people know this existed?



Well I did not. But I think it's really fucking cool.
Since this is the first issue of Playboy ever. Ever.

Good news! I may have a job lined up for when I go home (which is Thursday), and it would actually start on Tuesday! So, not really wasting any time. The chef wants me to come in Thursday when I come home and talk to him a bit, then if everything goes well I would train on Friday and Saturday and then start Tuesday. I would be a sushi chef at a seafood and grill in Zionsville. Not exactly the coolest but it's the right direction if I intend on pursuing this crazy dream of culinary ambitions. Yeah, I changed my mind again. But I didn't really change my mind. Ever since I was younger I always thought about how cool it would be if I owned like, a bakery and lived above it. Sort of a coffee house kind of deal. Anyway. I've never cooked anything without a recipe, but I do a have a great deal of passion for it and I hope that this experience will help me in choosing a path. Or come close to choosing one. It's not the best living that one can make, but how realistic is it that I'm going to get into a law school of my choice with a 3.2 GPA and horrible logistical skills (which translate to a subpar LSAT score)? Not very.

Well, I can dream.

HOLY CRAP.

The Strangers was fucking terrifying.

Holy shit.

FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK.

I. Want. To. Go.

YOUR GENIUS IS SHOWING.

Oh my God I'm such a girl.

I just saw this commercial and totally almost cried.

IT'S OKAY TO LOOK.

So I'm living in my friend Courtney's apartment for Maymester; AND I CAN'T STOP EATING. I don't know what my deal is. For real. I've had two days of class and all I've done is watch TV and eat. Well, I went to class too but, whatever.

I need to read I guess.
Still haven't seen Speed Racer. UGH.

WALK THROUGH THE FIRE.

I keep talking about how I'm, "finally going to write something on here," so I decided to just do it.
I'm scared.

I have to take this class in May in order to graduate, well, retake. If I don't pass with a C, I'll be screwed and I don't know what I'm going to do about it. It's kind of not an option really. Then, assuming I pass, I'll be home in June where I'll work for about a year while I prep for my LSAT and GRE, one or both of which I'll need to take and neither of which I want to take. See, I didn't think I was going to graduate on time and so I had all of my applications and stuff planned for my victory lap. Well, I'm graduating on time (albeit August instead of May, but I still consider it on time, it's still 2008 right? Right.) so now I have to find a job to fill that pesky year that I'll be drudgingly spending chez moi. Ew. It's not that I don't absolutely adore my family, I just can't live there anymore. Since I've been "on my own" the past four years, I've been able to set my own schedule, do my own thing, and once I go home, I'm no longer master of my domain. Bad phrasing, but still. Plus my bed sucks.

Now I don't care what kind of job I get. I'll work at Starbucks, Target, I saw that DSW was hiring; but I'd like to find something that pertains to what I want to do. Problem: I still have no idea what I want to do. And while I no longer want to pursue a career in art history, it's still a pretty wide open field. Yes, I'd like to go to law school, but I have no idea what for; and don't they kind of look for direction in interviews and personal statements? Ugh. I guess I'll have to spend this year as a journey for self discovery. Gross.

DESTINATION ROCK STEADY.

Iron Man ROCKED.
Surprised? Negatory.

Speed Racer is out today - I think I'm the only person that wants to see it.
Please world, do not begrudge me my love of Emile Hirsch.

Look.


Still don't believe me?




Delish.
And adorable.
I've never seen enamel look that good.

Pretty soon I might actually post about my life.
But for now, I'll just watch House episodes I missed because of the Obama rally on Monday.

BAD. ASS.

I can't wait for this.

Or this.




Oh baby.

EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU CRIED LAST NIGHT.

Two finals to go.  I finally feel like I'm almost done with this.

Granted I still have a month in the summer, but whatev.

I feel like this last semester flew by.  Like flew.  Out of control.

One things for sure:

I WILL be seeing Iron Man on Friday.

and

HOUSE is officially back - and - mediocre.  Not going to lie, I was a little disappointed.  And I still don't understand why they thought House had syphilis.  He switched the blood but they never told us who's blood it was.  Or something.  I don't know.

More Buffy from Netflix coming today!

I HEART INTERN GEORGE.

So ready for the semester to be over.  The past few days I've averaged about 3 hours of sleep per night.  Ooooohhh finals.  And they aren't even until next week.  Gross.

I have so much stuff to do in the next 72 hours I can't even imagine it.  But I'm almost done with my undergraduate career, which is terrifying and exciting all at the same time.  Maybe once my brain has a little more time to relax I can put some stuff up here that means something.

...Maybe not.

A WATCHER SCOFFS AT GRAVITY.

I despise my next three weeks.

Take home test was due at 7pm, policy paper Monday, research paper Thursday, methodology paper Monday.  Then two finals Monday, one Wesdnesday, one Saturday.

You know Purdue, maybe if you took into account all of the finals that you schedule where the teachers don't give finals and you did not schedule those, then I wouldn't have to be here every Saturday, every semester.  Ew.

Luckily though, I made the Eloquent Eloquence list this week at number six.  Baller.  Made my day.  Thanks dudes.

Maybe in a few days I'll have something of substance to post.

SILVERWARE IN THE PANCAKE DRAWER.

I've always been hesitant to blog.

We'll see how this goes.